Prepare for an epic tale for I have a ranting wrath in my head,
Each event and story I shall retell as I led,
I'm in a lyrical state of mind, and each word, each line,
Forgive me, I cannot help but oblige they all rhyme...
Alhamdulillah for fasting, I adore it, I do,
It removes my negativity, shows me who,
I really am, a light developed therein, and oh, such hidden strength within. But today's Sunday siyaam flooded my world in a din.
Sehri appeared, at 3.56; I ate cornflakes and drank milk (there was no Weetabix). Sluggishly I sat on the floor for salat, tasbih and tiredness without prayer mat. Sleep I did lose and a headache broke out, it thundered and echoed,to my temperament it flout.
I dropped asleep lopsided, woke up twisted in knots and late. Disliking the moodiness, for dhuhr salah I did wait.
Eyes bleary and mouth dry, I took headscarf and car key, New Baby Ghustaph(ha ha) I travelled to see. Masha'Allah I whispered, what a looker, wrapped in white; He slurped on my finger, I grinned in delight.
We wished to call him Hamza, Benyamin or Isaa', Give him a prophet name we suggested, instead of after a racecar...
"Oh fair aunty, as I am single and carefree, Would you as his mother, listen to my request care'fully; Upon coming of age, perhaps 24 or more, I request this baby's hand in marriage! Thus, therefore, While the age leap is significant and others will plea, Marry me this handsome boy, to me! To me!" I waited as the fair aunty thought over my scheme... BANG!She hit me "don't be daft". -shrug- I can dream...
An uncle came over, told me how cool my work is. We argued: my definition of 'convert' versus his. He felt 'revert' was a more appropriate term, To newbie Muslims; I agreed but a tiny worm In my head spat out: People define us by names, Labels and titles, it just depends on our aims...
Join me in my Muslimness I suggested with glee, The uncle nodded, but what shalt we name thee? We juggled with pseydonyms, silly and humerous too, And ping! We agreed to use "The Mamu".
An hour later as I sat on that couch, Taking photos of family, I felt such a grouch. A neighbourly visitor brought their greetings and son, Praise the Lord, his pixie ears and grey eyes, 'Brother, well done!'
Am I envious of his joy and young freshly fresh boy? Nay, I refuse to divulge in jealousy. I - am - coy (!) Two years younger than me, he has a family, he is maturer, and bold; And yet again, I am the vixen, my bones are marrowless, my blood is cold...
Further to the end of the 9th fast on this eve, I helped my extended family and rolled up each sleeve. Kebabs were grilled, salads chopped and chilled, At 7.45 I rushed home, my own Iftar meal to build.
More shaped 'roti' was made, I'm quite a continental cook! I meticulously fried 'pakorey' (albeit following a book). Nonetheless, the fried fatty foods tasted good. Dipped in herb sauces, tasting like my childhood, should.
I did not eat well, forlorn and grumpy. I took to my quarters, felt depressed and yes, frumpy. At 10pm a platter of sandwiches I ate, Tea with dunked cookies, starved, I licked everything, and plate.
I log into cyber world and wish people well, Ramadan Creams! ring online like a bell. A funny little brother posted a poem on a 'samosa'; It tickled my taste buds and I sighed, Asian joker.
Here I include the ditty witty lines. Fortunately they too are filled with strange rhymes: Oh Samosa, how I love you samosa! There you lie on the plate, I just want you closer, How crispy and delicate your smooth pastry shell, Pass the sauce, pass the dip, pass the chutney as well.
Oh Samosa not for me are those funny 'pakoras', Weird looking and jagged those savoury hor'rors, with my appetite daily, I wrestle and wrangle, For you... my beloved, pastry tri'angle.
Oh Samosa! to the "healthies" pay no heed, So what if you're fried, you're just what I need. A long day's fasting is no better broken, Than a delicious samosa just cooked and smokin'!
---
Now, I bid you a poetic salam,
My grey mood, my Ramadan blues are back, so haram. I don't know, perhaps it is a lack of trust, In Allah almighty that I fall back and 'cuss'.
May you find your 10th fast fill with good work and blessing. I'm off to make extra salah to stop mucho stressing.
May Allah be with you, accept your fasts and reward you in buckets,
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
Ramadan is going pretty well, but I really apologise about the lack of posts. I'm really in a state of laziness in terms of actually documenting my happenings in the holy month and general communication. Insha'Allah I'll shake it off when I'm ready.
For now though, let me show you one of my old pieces of poetry. This one is called Black. I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and please tell me what you think in the comments section.
Black. Connotations spring to mind. Recognition? Respect? Mere acknowledgement? No, of course not. Far from it. It’s never been anything like that. And if it was, I can’t remember it. Blind, sightless, open canopy over mind and soul. The heart, oddly, stays intact. Black. Is like radiation. That radiation. Masks and confuses the mind and soul. Leaves the heart defenceless. Mere propaganda to Black, penetrates arteries. Floods the pipes, thoughts. Thoughts that taste bitter, sour, expired, shameful, dishonoured. Something far from edible, far from delectable. The heart is immersed in this objectification. This piece of flesh is sick.So is the whole body. Black. This darkness stirs me. This feeling, desirable. These thoughts, achievable. Mind and body are detached. Mere limbs. Defies anatomy. Cannot convey this unsettling of the heart. The flesh beats in rhythm, of its own accord. Memories flash in vision, disturbing, weakening, humiliation. Cannot cope with this. Black alters, distorts, interprets, intrudes judgement. Contempt, bitterness, anger, STRENGTH. A twitch is felt, a glint in the eye. Smiling. No, leering. No, unexplainable. For the wrong reasons. Black. Infectious, intense, unadulterated. Pushes boundaries, controversy, engulfs me in flames. Vision, judgement, thought. Tainted. Must find those who repressed, attacked in my falling. Must retaliate. Black veils all. Sleepless. Restless. Black is strength, concentrated energy. Pain, sorrow, death feeds the heart, barricades the surface. They know not of the years of re-modulation, reconstruction of character. Naive, simple minded, universally tracked fools. They move on after their torment, yet I forget not. Black. Finally has taken over. I refuse to resist. No need. The world has won and lost the battle simultaneously. Victims cower in my black. The darkness distresses them. No final requests, no last rites, no compromise. Screams pleading mercy fall at deaf ears. The wrath of the raging demon has begun. I have the forbidden power. Prepare yourself.
Commentary
Well, what can I say? This poem is incredibly important to me, as it proves to me the power of writing, creative paradigms and the essence of human nature reflected on paper. Yes, I was feeling incredibly pi**ed off when I was writing this. Stupid feelings now, but the feelings were murderous and apathetic. I think even now, even after anger management, there will be things, direct and indirect, that enrage me and admittedly make me stray from my path. Yes, I know it’s bad. I know it’s not right and our Deen gives us ample opportunity to change ourselves for the better. He gives us so much whilst asking for so little in return, so it does pain me when I lower myself in this way.
However, I guess this gift is pretty much my opportunity, my unique way of improving myself – by spilling all the negative feelings and hate out of myself and onto paper. It did make me feel better, and emotionally fuelled poetry such as this really is a good showcase for myself and others to see! In this case, I compared my state to a colour – black. It’s a simple, static colour, but so ambiguous too. Black can hide the truth and shroud common sense; definitely it can change perceptions, fool people and lure the weak in. Imagine it now: your own body acting of its own will (impossible, yes, but think of it all the same), desires whet like mad and this decaying attribution slowly spreading to your whole body. I think in retrospect that is what I was aiming for. And with this poem, I think I have.
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
Wow the days go by so fast!
I'm so glad Ramadan is finally here. It teaches us self restraint in over eating, committing sins and sexual urges.
We get to dedicate most of our day to reading Quran, offering voluntary prayers and charity. We also...
GET TO TRY OUT YUMMY RECIPES!!! :D :D :D :D
This past week I've been reading the Quran at an understandable pace, praying and trying to be better to my mother lol.
I've also been experimenting with a couple of recipes that were so worth it :).
I was watching an anime, and I kept noticing the characters eating something called "Onigiri"(Rice Balls). They're usually made for lunch boxes in Japan, but I couldn't resist adding it to some of my Iftar plates this week :P.
Basically they are stuffed rice balls. I made a chicken vegetable stir fry with Soy sauce, Worcestershire and some molasses. Then I made some rice and sat down while my mom watched, and made some balls with my hands and stuffed them with the stir fry mix. They tasted so good! (Recipe)
My mom and I were so full after eating just two lol.
The second thing I tried out this week was a Vegetarian Spaghetti Pizza. That's right. I said pizza lol.
I didn't add 3 cups of mozzarella cheese (!!!) like the recipe asked. That's just nuts! Instead I opted for 3 table spoons of low fat Romano cheese spread for the crust and top layer :)). It was plenty cheesy too!
It's more like a lasagna I suppose but the title makes it unique and so does the flavour! Mmm mm mmm!!
My mom ate the rest of it (half the pan!) behind my back while I was taking a nap yesterday, so I just had to make some more today lol. It also looks exactly like the picture.
I think I'm going to try my BEST to be a 100% Vegetarian from now on, isA. Pray for me! lol. It's a step.
As for the rest of what happened this week...not much lol. Went over to relative's house, had some relatives over...you know the deal :P.
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
A beautiful (and short) nasheed on Ramadan is sung by Sheikh Mishary from Kuwait, a renowned Qur'an reciter (qari), and Imam of Masjid al-Kabir in Kuwait City.
The Free MP3 download link to the Ramadan Song is here.
-In English-
-In French-
-In Arabic-
(To those viewing Muslimness on Muxlim.com: watch the YouTube video in English here.
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | السلام عليكم
Asalaamu Alaikum.
I'm writing this blog for Sister Emma, who asked that I give some tips for reverts. I'm going to try to find some resources from the Qur'an to back up what I say, but a lot of strength as a revert comes from confidence in what you believe.
The number one thing to remember throughout your journey is explained in the Quran, chapter 2, verse 286:
"Allah (swt) does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability; for it is (the benefit of) what it has earned, and upon it (the evil of) what it has wrought: Our Lord! do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake; Our Lord! do not lay on us a burden as You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! do not impose upon us that which we have not the strength to bear; and pardon us and grant us protection and have mercy on us, You are our Patron, so help us against the unbelieving people."
1. First off, if you don't have a Qur'an, ORDER ONE!!! I feel so much stronger in my faith after I have read and I know that I have Allah backing my up. I suggest Why Islam.org, you can call their hotline and get help with any Islam questions you have, and if you have them help you with Shahadah they will send you a welcome package. This will incluce many resources, and goodness knows its easier to back up your faith if you can show non-believers verses from the Qur'an.
2. Know the scientific proofs of the Qur'an! It's really amazing to learn all the ways that the Qur'an has been proven. You can find some of these proofs here.
I know what it's life to not feel accepting for reverting. A kid from school actually said that he laughed at me when he saw me in hijab the other day. However, we have to keep in mind that Allah is the only one who has an opinion worth considering. At night, when you fall asleep, do you care that the kid in your school doesn't like you or do you care that you didn't please Allah today? You're never promised tomorrow, why let the opinions and concerns of others decide rather or not you worship Allah?
When I told my mom, I thought I would vomit. I was so nauseous and so scared, but my mom saw that I was completely determined to revert to Islam. If I seemed to waver in my faith she wouldn't tell me to go for it. If you let your parents convince you not to wear a hijab, or make salat, you will not be doing any justice to Islam. The beautiful thing about Islam to me is the devotion, and if you lack that, what do you have?
It's really easy to feel lonely if you don't have a local Masjid and Muslims to back you up, but I ask Allah to remind me that he is there with me. He pulls through. It is random times when I feel alone when Allah will use those around me to show how close he really is.
Try to keep your cool when dealing with your family. If you get angry, perform Wuhdu. Ask Allah to quench the fire of your anger. Ask him to help you hold your tongue, say things that will bring him praise, and not say things that will hurt one another.
I found this wonderful link for reverts. Click here. This site gives help to reverts talking to their families for numerous circumstances and how to talk to your family! Inshallah, this site will answer any questions you may have.
May Allah bless your efforts and quide you on the straight path. May he grant you understanding of his word, strength in your faith, and open the hearts of your family to Islam.
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | السلام عليكم
Asalaamu Alaikum!
I hope that you've all had a wonderful day! My day has been somewhat boring but I'm happy nonetheless. I want to say thank you to Zaufishan for getting my Muslimness avatar up (Zaufishan says: You are welcome beautiful!) It looks wonderful and now I feel official!
I have been a bit weary of who I tell that I'm muslim, since my mom still makes me go to church. I know that things will be more difficult on me if I tell my youth group, but I hate the feeling of hiding it and don't feel that they should think any differently about me. It seems though, that people talk enough anyway so maybe I don't have to tell anyone.
I was minding my own business at lunch today when a kid from my youth group shouted "Hey Nura! Are you Muslim?" I didn't hesitate before saying that I was and have been for a little over three months now. He sort of nodded his head, but the effect my revelation had was clear. The people all around us stared as if I had declared that I had not reverted, but grown an extra head.
These kind of things irritate me. I have a horrible feeling that I will be treated as an outcast now, instead of the same person I've been for the past three months. The only difference is that they now have a better idea of who I am. If a friend of yours admits to being homosexual for six weeks, does that make him different then he was yesterday? No, he just expects you to be accepting of the person whom he has been. I think that instead of trying to disprove one anothers beliefs, we need to be sure that we're devoted to our own. How can you attack someone else and their beliefs, and claim that your religion practices love?
Anyways, just a thought and the highlight of my day. Day seven of Ramadan to be exact (Day 10 now). I fasted food all day today, except for three crackers throughout the day to rid myself of a headache. I'm doing better though, alhamdulillah. May Allah bless your efforts this Ramadan.
At suhoor: I ate Crunchy Nut cornflakes. That's right, the nuttiest cereal known to England. Still, nice with cold milk though. I also had peach juice, ate a plum (they don't seem to finish) and a cuppa'tea. PG Tips. Oh yeah, I'm living the life.
At Fajr: I fell sleepy which was literally AFTER suhoor so I think the Ramadan blues are getting to me. I tried refilling at the Ramadan Imaan Gas Station (RIGS) but they didn't accept my coupons so I'm still 50/50 on alertness.
I made dhikr in my head on the bed.. then slid off onto the floor and made more dhikr to stay awake and in a state of wudhu*... 'la illaha ill'Allah...' I banged my head on the table I use for storage (since I was splayed on the floor) and nearly swore... 'la illaha ill'Allah...' then rolled over to grab a scarf from the wardrobe and found it was tightly wrapped in a tie-band and spent ages opening it and pinning it in the semi-dark... Still making tasbih to control my Hulk-anger... 'la illaha ill'Allah ta'la...' Then stood up creaking and squeaking every old bone in my body and finally made prayer! Yayy! Take that sloth!
And ladies, you don't want to be spending eons hanging or folding your headscarves, nope. What you do is chuck out all your university files which look important to create a large empty pull out drawer OR use those nifty stackable boxes with lids from Ikea or Argos. Throw out all your scarves onto the floor and roll up each one into a tiny handkerchief sized sausage and tie a band around it. Put them into the boxes (I colour co-ordinate mine, I know, I live a sheltered life) or your drawer and Ta-Da! You now have a more spacious wardrobe or closet for other hand-me-downs and an easy-on-the-eye organised headscarf department. I invented that concept I did. I should do Muslim Life coaching. How awesome is that?
I keep hearing people saying after something bad or upsetting has happened "tut, that's a shaytaan act, that was a devillish work". I'm like HELLO?! There are NO shaytan or evil jinn around, at all! It's Ramadan, the month of freedom and Allah swt has swiped every malignant jinn and thrown them into a cave! Probably in the Vegas desert. There are some evil people around though, I wish they were locked up or thrown into the depths of the cold dark sea.
Every disappointing or struggling event is straight from Allah to test our patience with ourselves, and from other sources, including us. Stuff happens, you know? Bad, painful, heartbreaking, annoying, hypocritical and damaging stuff. But it IS a test and only in hindsight do I remember that if I had held on a wee bit longer to that taqwah - piety/alertness, I might have pulled through with a smile. During that test though I forget and I begin to blame things. I blame my computer a lot of the time. Technology is evil, I just know it. Hunger attacked me today really strongly. I wanted to lick every picture of 'halva' and 'baklava' I saw, and I'm not a fan of either! Sabr I told myself, feed your soul with Allah's remembrance... It's all a learning experience.
After dhuhr salah: I took a stroll outside to water the cucumber and tomato plants in and near the greenhouse. They've properly mutated now, huge bunches of tomatoes, 15+ to a plant, al'hamdulillah. I also hung out with a bird and befriended a spider. We talked about flying in the changing weather and how difficult it was building a home out of microscopic threads. Some daft bat always comes along and tears it apart. You should read what Allah says about the female spider's web. In Surah al-Ankaboot, The Spider, chapter 29, verse 41:
"The analogy of those who take protectors other than Allah is like that of the female spider, who builds its house all by herself; but surely the flimsiest of houses is the spider's house;- if only they knew what that meant." (29:41)
Lesson: Build your homes, your faith, families and fasting on foundations that are strong, truthful, solid and linked to complete faith in One Illah (Lord/God). Anything else and it will break and crumble - just like believing in more than One Illah. I like that verse. I've memorised it.
After 'Asr: I pulled out a couple of duffs (traditional Eastern drums) from under my headscarf (one can hide so many useful things underneath one's libaas - sellotape, computers, duffs...) and I went about singing ♫ Ramadan nasheeds. It was awesome. We made a racket. We're an up and coming rock band I will have you know. I started one in college and received rave reviews... Glass Smashers we were called. Anyway, not only did we sing every Ramadan song we know - girls and boys, we know EVERY single Ramadan song out there, we made up our own too! It was like Ramadan-Karaoke. I will get the wicked lyrics for the next post insha'Allah.
I became very distressed just before Isha salah. I came online to check emails and received a message from Cage Prisoners (Google them) informing me brother Terry Mustafa Holdbrooks, the former Guantanamo prison guard, had been detained at a US airport for 24hrs. He hadn't even put a foot on the plane. Why? I wondered, I wasn't surprised. We were joking about how security hadn't stopped him earlier or that he would be held and questioned about his beard, his colouring, his intentions and contents of computer etc. But this was really a heart jab.
They let him go, Mustafa got on the plane, arrived here in London 24hrs later than expected and was detained again, this time by the Border Control Agency. My heart sank further into my intestines because this was disappointing. The statement released said something about Mustafa having an unstable financial situation so he could intend to stay indefinitely in the UK and commit something naughty. "That" was the only reason they kept him?! I rang the number provided by Cage Prisoners to give the officer there a piece of truth and my mind but I couldn't get through. Good thing I guess, I probably would have been taken into custody too. Again. So now brother Mustafa's being told he's being shipped back to the US on flimsy grounds like unwanted goods and we probably won't get to see him or support him!
The Kensington and Chelsea Council did that with Imam Anwar Awlaki - saying they didn't want to upset people with his presence and blah blah blah. These are ICONIC MUSLIMS who have proven their worth enough times; what are they really going to do? Damage us English with their kufi's and words? Puh-lease. They let the BNP exist didn't they? We 'grand' United Kingdom: Tolerance exists on the tips of their tongues. Al'hamdulillah for those organisations trying to reach out in solidarity, work with Muslims and vice versa, fasting with us too. This just takes the biscuit and reduces our faith in authorities.
That's still rumbling in my head so while it was a fairly productive and good fast al'hamdulillah, I'm making dua Brother Mustafa has a safe journey and less stressful time ahead. He's going to cuss so much about it after...
---Intermission---
I found a box of mehndi (henna) tubes in that Gift From Abroad package. They're really good, give a dark stain and come with "emergency henna instructions". -chuckle-
PANIC! It's my wedding day and I MUST have mehndi! If only some super-henna-hero could save me from this predicament! -out jumps a flashing mehndi cone in a cape- FEAR NOT! For I am here to save and colour in your hands! Behold! The bride is naked no more! Aha ha... I'm going to experiment with this. I used to be really good at Celtic and Indian designs. I want to henna tattoo on my forehead "misunderstood".
I have the video up for my shmexy (see? halal sexy = shmexy) foreign 80's car:
Anyway, while I'm indebted to your utter adoration to my insatiable glammy lifestyle, I've got to go. This week has gone incredibly fast, fast 9 already! I have a stack of books I want to read, some more 99 names of Allah subhanahu'wa ta'la to memorise and a list of eccentric things to do for tomorrow insha'Allah.
Zaufishan ★ sat on a windowsill counting the stars and making dua' to Allah for better security on and off land
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
Asalaamu Alaikum.
I wanted to talk about two books that I've read over the past two months, and one that I really, really want to read.
The first book I read this summer wasThe Kite Runnerby Khaled Hosseini. This book is about the journey of the lead character, Amir's struggle for redemption in a war torn. Many horrible things happen to him throughout the book, but the insight into the possibility of purity in the human heart is worth the emotional roller coaster.
I really love the structure of Hosseini's writing, he doesn't fill each line with 6 syllable words, and try exceedingly to be profound; he simply let's the story speak for itself. I also like the way he introduces horrible events in a very human way. He doesn't immediately venture into the occurrence, but captures them in light of the shock. The following excerpt is from the first chapter, and possibly my favorite:
"I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years." The second book I read was also by Hosseini, it was A Thousand Splendid Suns. I preferred this one, but that could be because it is from a woman's point of view.
This story is told from the view points of two Muslim Afghan women, Mariam and Laila. Destruction and hardship makes their paths cross in a most distressing way. The book is filled with twists and will keep you on your feet. If you're like me, you'll be hooked. I read it in two days! The following quote still give me goose bumps. I always get so attached to characters:
"Mariam wished for so much in those final moments. Yet as she closed her eyes, it was not regret any longer but a sensation of abundant peace that washed over her. She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, an unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. And yet she was leaving the world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of consequence at last. No. It was not so bad, Mariam thought, that she should die this way. Not so bad. This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate belongings."
I really want to read Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azir Nafisi. It's a memoir of the defiance and struggle of a college professor and six of her students who fight to read western literature in Iran, despite the laws forbidding it. Bombs whirl over their heads, as they read and discuss books like Lolita. I will read this book. I don't know when or how, but, inshallah, it will happen!
"For you, a thousand times over." -The Kite Runner
