The Immigrant's Personal Update: Meet My New Baby Sahar

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ Peace be with you السلام عليكم


I am thrilled to announce the birth of my daughter, Sahar Aaliyah Muhammad-Shah. Alhamdulillah rabbil'alameen. I'm a tad late in posting it, but it has been a busy few months. I have after all, just had a baby.

Sahar Aaliyah Muhammed-Shah
Born: September 22, 2010 @ 4:29pm
40 weeks gestation - 5lbs 4oz - 18 Inches long


These details have becomes a personalized catch phrase, that along with a number "27" - the hours of labor I endured. New mums often do compare these small factoids, along with how many nappies they go through in a day, whose child is bigger/smaller, stronger, fussier, calmer than the others; sometimes it can almost become a passive-aggressive contest. It does however make a good topic of conversation and is quite amusing, especially as a new parent, when your childless friends look at you like you're from Mars as the majority of conversational topics you have left to discuss revolve around one bodily function or another.

But on a more serious note, subhanAllah having a child is more life changing then I imagined it, in so many different respects. They don't teach you this in school.

Motherhood versus the world
No career or amount of money could give you the sense of accomplishment and the sense of fulfillment like a child can. I knew that, but I never truly understood it till the moment Sahar was born. At that moment you realize you were never whole, there was a piece of you missing, and the moment your child is born, that piece of your heart, that gap you never knew was there, is filled beyond belief and you can't imagine how you ever lived without that missing piece.

Am I tired? Oh ya. Do I ever sleep ...what's sleep? But I willingly make the sacrifice. It's motherhood yo.

 I feel privileged to be her mother, she's truly a gift, Alhumduillah

My faith in Allah deepened the moment my daughter was born. In that exact moment I can't imagine how someone else could deny the miracle of creation - a very painful creation, oh boy don't get me started on my war story. Lets just say the delivery wasn't easy and my sister is traumatized and has decided to never have children... she has the memory retention of a fish though so I'm not worried.

Every du'a, every time I ask for anything it's for my daughter's sake. Becoming a parent is Allah's way of promoting selflessness, overwhelming love and compassion. This is humanity at its best.

I feel an obligation to do everything and anything for Sahar. I never want to put her down, sometimes I can't help but just stare at her and the design Allah gave her. Some nights I lay awake in the few sleepy hours between feeding and stare in awe, my daughter - I touch her little hands and wonder what on earth I did to deserve this perfect little person.


How to save a life
The days following her birth were emotional, besides the surge of hormones you have a new sense of fear. The world is a million times more scary as my every waking minutes are about nothing but her well being. And regardless of the ups and downs of any marriage, how can you not love your husband/wife a million times more for helping you in making this wonderful little person. Life is defiantly put into perspective.

Even though many tears have followed her birth - I didn't cry when she was born - I was in too much shock. Yes I knew she was growing inside of me, it was amazing enough to feel her kick, but the moment she was out and resting on my tummy I just looked at her with utter disbelief: Subhanallah! My first words were "Oh my god, did she just come out of me..? Well ...happy birthday". Ok not the most beautiful or profound words, but I was in shock. My sister on the other hand was balling her eyes out, what a sap!

I know people love their children, but you never can imagine how much until you have one of your own. Like the pain of childbirth, it's unimaginable and only makes sense when you're holding your child.

It's only now that I understand this hadith,
A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet ﷺ said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet ﷺ said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet ﷺ said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim)

No offence to men, but there's no way on earth any other human could love a child as much as their mother, it's pure and instinctive from the moment they are born.

This hadith in another sense scared me. I was raised by my father, my mother was never there for me, this was her choice which of course gave me a whole different set of emotions as to how on earth someone could ever willingly distance themselves from their child. My sister's little girl is adopted, whose biological mother also made her choices. But how, how do you let this happen as a parent, this overwhelming love and bond between a mother and child, how can it be broken, especially when the Prophet ﷺ gave mothers such a high maqaam (status)?

When parents abandon you
I respect my mother, and please don't judge me for telling the truth, but I don't love her. I try to, but I can't. She's a stranger to me, I don't know her personally, and what I do know, what I remember from my childhood is not good. This lack of emotional attachment makes me sad, and because of this it's hard for me to imagine my daughter loving me. My father keeps reminding me that I am not my mother, and Sahar does and will love me unconditionally, inshaAllah.

The rational part of me keeps telling the emotional part of me, motherhood will be okay.

Children can also distract you from certain things, like praying. It's hard to manage especially when you don't have an extra set of hands. But children are also an incentive to learn more and be better not only for yourself, or only Allah but also for the sake of teaching them, and guiding them. My goal to make Sahar a wonderful pious person cannot be possible unless I myself from day one live as an example.

The joys of immigration again
Zain - Sahar's Abu (Dad) is still in in New Zealand -  he has to come over here to Canada and be a father to her. Once he gets here I know he will do a fantastic job. I feel bad though, he missed out the first 6 weeks of Sahar's growth and changes. But it's all Allahs will.

I truly feel things happen for a reason and sometimes even when things don't go out way we should be thankful, who knows what could or would happen. I kind of like having Sahar to myself, I don't like to share her! When people hold her I stare down at them waiting for them to return my heart to my body.

Oh - and on a completely separate note: holding a baby and typing with one hand is exhausting.

So that's were I have been all this long. I was sick and pregnant, then absorbed in motherhood. Now... how to write between feedings, naps and nappies. I'm super Zahra I'm sure I can do it. But lets just take it one day at a time...

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

author

A quick note from → Zaufishan, MUSLIMNESS creator

MUSLIMNESS.COM. Savvy Muslims in Media, trendy blogs and Good News. If you too are like, totally awesome, share your ideas by contacting MUSLIMNESS. Sharing is Khayring.

Check out more → , . Follow responses through RSS 2.0
RSS Sign up

EVENTS THIS MONTH

OUR PARTNERS & SPONSORS

Recent Comments

POPULAR POSTS