As-salaam `alaykum, MUSLIMNESS writer Zahra here, The Immigrant, speaking from Canada! That is for anyone who may have even noticed I was gone. Well I'm back, and with an awesome interview that's bound to make you re-assess the Muslim marriage scene.

Let’s just call my absence maternity leave, which of course is a nice way of saying I was so strung out from lack of sleep, stressing about car seats, safety, mountains of poopy nappies and all the other fun things that go hand in hand with the first year of new life. I'm officially a Mom.

It feels like just yesterday I met my husband, and now we are certified parents. I wonder how I ever lived without my daughter. I couldn’t imagine life without her, unmarried life even. It seems like being single and childless is all a distant memory. And to think, it all started with a few key strokes, not how I ever imagined meeting my future husband.

Most people don’t actually know that me and my husband met online. Now that I think of it, a large portion of my friends met their partners online, and started families of their own. Is this the newest trend, or the beginning of what will become the norm?


Like I, Ali Ardekani, better known to millions as filmography sensation Baba Ali, met his partner online. Ali later felt a need to create a friendlier marriage service that helped single Muslims find their match. But why an internet site? How safe are internet courtships and is that what single Muslims are doing through Half Our Deen, "dating"? Ali was more than happy to answer our questions.

MUSLIMNESS: Firstly dear Ali, your matrimonial site Half Our Deen is known for its unorthodox approach to marriage and nearly 170 people have claimed to have found their other half on the site. Do you think finding a spouse online is becoming a norm?

Baba Ali: With Half Our Deen, we wanted to recreate the way people meet in person leading up to marriage. Since the typical conversations when two people meet face to face doesn't start with "how much do you weigh?" or "what is your income?", we ask questions on the site that we think are more realistic for determining qualities for marriage.

Thus, our unique questionnaire provides members with many questions on finding out more about the potential partner's personality or character. That way you can learn real things and get to know the "real" person, insha'Allah, God willing.

When I was looking for someone ten years ago, the idea of finding your future spouse online was taboo but I really didn't have much choice since I didn't find my match locally. Today, 1 out of every 4 relationships starts online, which shows you how much times have changed, even for Muslims.

MUSLIMNESS: What are the advantages to meeting a future spouse online as opposed to traditional Muslim routes - being introduced to family friends, seeking help through local mosques?

Baba Ali: I still think the best way to meet someone is through your parents. Unfortunately, many people like myself, don't like the choices that our parents have setup for us because their decisions have been influenced by culture rather than attachment to the Deen, path, of Islam.

So we set out on our own, stumbling and learning, trying to find someone compatible and we all aspire to look for their Deen first.

As far as finding people locally, most communities do not have marriage programs and it is really hard to find any "Muslim" system that actually works, in comparison to the very few that do.

For Muslims, finding your other half is far more difficult that most people think it is. We don't date, we can't get emotionally attached, so it's difficult to work out who's "the one". Just ask any single Muslim who is searching now!

MUSLIMNESS: What major disadvantage is there to finding a spouse online?

Baba Ali: Half Our Deen is open to all, our members register from across the globe. One of the biggest obstacles for new relationships is that one person, which could be either the man or the woman, will need to relocate to live with their new husband or wife. And that means starting a new life, in a new place. That can be challenging for some people who haven't left home before or prepared for the move.

MUSLIMNESS: How safe is Half Our Deen?

Baba Ali: I think there's a common misconception that the whole world will know you're "looking" online to get married when you sign up to Half Our Deen. People don't usually want everyone and their mama to know they're seeking a spouse.

I can't blame people for having second thoughts for looking online because I did as well. 

When I was trying to communicate and search, there were no "private" sites so anyone with Internet access could see my profile and that was a bit embarrassing.

See {how to sign up to HOD step by step}.

One of the things that sets Half Our Deen apart from the other sites is that we're completely private. That means only other registered members can see your profile and even then, only members of the opposite gender can see who is looking to get married. That means two sisters can be on the site and neither would ever know that the other was on Half Our Deen."

While everyone can comment on the public HOD blog posts and share questions, safety and security are the main reason that the majority of our members stay exclusively with us.

MUSLIMNESS: What do you feel is the biggest challenge in finding someone online?

Baba Ali: The biggest hurdle is trying to make sure that this person is "the one". I really dislike how some of these other Muslim matrimonials or marriage sites in general limit the questions asked to "eye color" and "hair color", because although that stuff may be important, the deep questions are never asked.

The reality is that you can't marry someone because you guys share the same "favorite color". It's more important that you ask deeper questions to see how compatible you are with each other.

This is how we made Half Our Deen unique, by making it question based. Not only does each person have the ability to take compatibility tests categorised by Deen, Family, Personality, etc, but we're the only site that allows you to post your own questions on your profile. This allows members to quickly filter out the people that don't match with you so neither side wastes any time getting connected with people they don't share interests or values with."

MUSLIMNESS: How do you think families have reacted to young single Muslims turning to marriage sites?

Baba Ali: I think each family is different. Most parents do take time in adjusting to new things and being that the Internet is still the unknown for many of our elders, parents and relatives are often worried about things they don't understand or don't have any knowledge of.

MUSLIMNESS: Many newly wedded Muslims relocate to live with the other partner and their family. Should people have to be open to moving after marriage?

Baba Ali: That's a great question. I've found that Muslim women seem to be more accepting of relocating than Muslim men. These type of questions are key during the communication precess and great to add to our poll section of Half Our Deen!

Another feature that makes Half Our Deen unique is our anonymous polls. Basically, we ask each members' group (the men and women) specific questions which they answer anonymously. The opposite gender is then able to see the answers in percentile to learn what that gender really thinks. Most of the time, the results are surprising and contrary to popular perception. We try to ask important and thought-provoking questions that people may be too shy to ask.

For those who join the site today, they can even go back to the previous polls to see how each gender answered.

I think education is key when it comes to learning about the opposite gender and the more we know, the better it is to help understand each other Insha'Allah, God willing.

MUSLIMNESS: And finally, what do you feel has made Half Our Deen popular amongst Muslims? 

Baba Ali: The only reason that Half Our Deen is successful is because of Allah (Arabic, God). Our site is packed with features but yet it's purpose is very simple.

We hit an outstanding 6 million page views on HOD this year but yet we don't advertise or spam any of our members. No text ads, banner ads, nothing. On top of that we do not charge  even half of what the other sites charge. We pay our staff who help us because we want to try to stay away from expecting Muslim to work for free (no "FREEsabeel'illah" discount at HOD).

We are trying to do things differently by keeping the site private, affordable, and by putting more money into site developments to make the experiences better for members than just collecting ads. The results? Since we launched last year, over 170 people have told us they found their other half through HOD and are happily married.

I have been invited to their wedding, met many of them in person, and have heard one success story after another. I wish I could post them to share the good news but the main reason people join HOD is because of privacy so I respect their wish to keep it that way. Alhamdulillah, (all praise belongs to Allah), Allah has made Half Our Deen successful and the entire staff, including myself, are really fortunate to be part of such an amazing project.

MUSLIMNESS: Shukran, thanks to Ali and everyone at halfourdeen.com for sharing your work and thoughts. Best of success God willing.

So for those young Muslim women and men out there looking for love -disapproving parental-like face-, I mean, halal love, don’t rule out searching online because it can be another opportunity to find what you’re looking for, regardless of your means.

Muslims have the power of dua (supplication). If your intention is pure, just remember to be open and honest and ask Allah to guide you in your search for your better half - and although for some it can feel like a long process to find the right person, Allahu `alim (Allah knows best) it will all happen in its own time.


Did you or anyone you know meet their spouse online? Would you recommend it for others? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.


More on Muslim marriage:
Movie: Change Of Heart, Exposing Muslim Marriage
Muslim Marriage Tips: The Holy Criteria
Manufacturing A Match Made In Heaven
Can I Marry Your Daughter? {comic}

Working in partnership with Anwar Welfare Trust, the good folks from Birmingham, England, have organised a great charitable afternoon just in time for Eid!

An Eid dinner at Bay Leaf restaurant is taking place this Saturday and we are inviting YOU to follow the Prophetic sunnah (action) and help support the orphans of Bangladesh. Proceeds from tickets will go directly towards building wells for orphans and providing educational resources.

A team from Anwar Welfare Trust will be at the Eid dinner to answer all your questions about the orphan fundraising and their work in Bangladesh. So come join us at the Eid Dinner!

Remember to bring along your family and friends and do a good deed whilst celebrating Eid!

The Prophet peace be upon him, said, "I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this," putting his index and middle fingers together. (Bukhari)

Remember to bring along your family and friends and do a good deed whilst celebrating Eid!

Date: Saturday 29th October 2011
Time: 12- 3pm
Location: Bay Leaf Restaurant, Unit 16/17, 2 Gibb St, Digbeth, Birmingham, B9 4AA
Tickets: £20 per person

To book tickets, donate or for more info please call: (UK) 07854436434.

The Twins of Faith world class exhibition will showcase British Islamic businesses and provide unique family services

Have you heard about the BIGGEST Islamic event happening in the United Kingdom this year? We introduce you to the mega conference in the capital: Twins of Faith.

Canadian Muslim organisation Mercy Mission, are the grand organisers behind 'Twins of Faith', the largest Muslim event of 2011. A spectacular host of renowned Muslim scholars and performers will keep attendees alert in the aims of spiritual motivation; while in the background a whole host of educational programs, children's arenas and creative workshops are taking place. It sounds epic and we hope to see you there!

What's goin' on?

• Conferences

Seminars stemming from a religious ethic will target more mature audiences. Released seminar titles include 'For The Love of God' where a series of interactive workshops will address how Muslim believers can strengthen their relationship with God and other people.

Social issues are to be covered as life in the United Kingdom was regrettably altered by the recent London riots. Coaching and personal advice is being prepared for members in order to return home with build-bridging skills and loving one's community. Just as the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, added value to his community, the Twins of Faith conference sessions hope to regenerate trust and reliability in our daily lives.

• World business and Islamic exhibition and bazaar

A packed exhibition of diverse interests from product companies to free services is predicting over 5,000 delegates. Expect to see halal brands and ethical products to really add value to your time. Iconic Muslim speakers will be situated somewhere within the bazaar  (shopping) area - keep a look out!

Life coaching, Islamic finance and business advice and halal companies will all be open to meet a variety of people's needs at an array of workshops dotted around the bazaar area.

In addition, a buzz is surrounding the Islamic Exhibitions that will feature world Islamic art and historic artifacts. More Islamic museums are opening around the world, so what better way than to experience Islamic history as it happened.

• Artistic workshops

This Ramadan season, Ramadan TV broadcasted the world's first adhan (call to Muslim prayer) in British Sign Language. With the ever popular 'question and answer' program with presenters from Ramadan TV, shaykhs will available for one-to-one advisory meetings, allowing attendees to get their questions answered. A great opportunity to ask for validation of a personal struggle.

A Muslim women's creative writing class will launch to spark budding authors and journalists. Despite previous experience, the Twins of Faith workshop for 'sisters' will guide participants through a series of exploratory exercises. Personal style will no doubt be called for flair as Muslim women with talent will use their imagination and language styles to begin a path of professional writing.

In addition, a productive muslim workshop will cram some time management tips for making a bang-on life-to-do-list for family, work and acts of worship, and sticking to it! This will be an especially important workshop if you're an environmental or political Muslim activist.

• Little Explorer Land (also for grown-ups)

The Twins of Faith is a family event and will provide entertainment for children of all ages. So what better way for children to enjoy themselves than to enter into the land of Little Explorers Magazine where "Uncle Jawad" will be keep little ones engaged in a world full of rides, bouncy castles and other activities to suit toddlers (and teenagers and adults who can get away with it too!)

The grown ups won't be disappointed as several obstacle courses have been arranged for an intensive health and fitness work out. A Mega Challenge Assault Course combines inflatables with games for a fun competition for the entire family. Rubber slides, sumo wrestling and a giant human football table are also in the mix - a halal and legitimate reason to revert to childhood, no doubt.

• Marriage & Family Workshop

Renowned Islamic scholar Shaykh Alaa El-Sayed will offer an exclusive workshop on how Muslims can create and build a happy family, from the art of open communication to dealing with in-laws. If you're single and Muslim, you'll want to participate in the marriage talks.

• Children’s Nasheed Competition: 

To round of the entire shebang, a nasheed competition of Islamic music and hymns will see schools competing to win the award for the best recital. Highlights of the day's entertainment include poetry and songs from Abdullah Rolle, American poet Boona Mohammed and Pakistani singer Junaid Jamshed.

Get Involved At Twins Of Faith
For anyone wanting to get involved either through organisational efforts or volunteering, the event managers are recruiting active members of the public. Read the Mercy Mission volunteer newsletter for details and contact volunteers.uk@twinsoffaith.com.

Date: Saturday, 19th November 2011
Venue: Excel, London. {Interactive tube map}


Official website {Twins of Faith, Inspiring Positive Change}

Khadijah Goes To School, Community Survival Book

"It's a concept, a tool, a bridge, it isn't just a book for me." Ontario resident and published author Asim Hussain shares his new book 'Khadijah goes to School' with MUSLIMNESS readers in the United Kingdom.

A Story About You
Beginning as a self-funded project just under a year ago, Khadijah goes to School is a 28 page interactive book published in June 2011 for a universal audience. With a tag-line 'A story about You', the book's central theme is empowerment through contribution. It teaches readers about personal contributions to the local and global society as a means to build bridges between communities and to break down stereotypes.

Opening the book I found it breaks a 'bedtime' convention, flipping instead from left-to-right as is found in Arabic literature. Page numbers are accompanied by their Arabic counterparts and the main character Khadijah wears a hijab, all adding to the dual identity of the book.

Asim Hussain took a year out to create and self-publish Khadijah goes to School; feedback from family, work colleagues, strangers and the homeless were all essential before finalising the story. The effort has definitely paid off.

Author Asim Hussain reads from his new book, Khadijah goes to School, surrounded by his children, from left, Zayd, Sayf and Yusra Hussain, who did most of the illustrations. (Photo: Mississauga.com)

Ditty illustrations drawn by Asim's own children accompany the deeply cultured story line. We see images of mosques, 'Baba', the Arabic/Urdu title for father, and frequent use of the Islamic concept 'Read', historically revealed as the first word of the Qur'an. A book of ideas, Khadijah seems to reach out and talk to readers - an endearing personality for younger children.

Why Khadijah Goes To School

The first few sentences set a mantra of ethics from which the book flows. Human potential is explored and the importance of schooling for children is explained from a child's perspective. Khadijah is a young student, encountering time away from home at a new school, surrounded by new faces who in turn teach Khadijah how to cope - with life.

Khadijah learns about the lessons of life through a relatable struggle during her first week at school. An innocent child narrative makes an otherwise "grown-up" wisdom more translatable to all age groups.

MUSLIMNESS Reads Khadijah To Children (And Adults)
We took the book out to see what reactions it receives and found a genuine perked interest as we handed Khadijah goes to School to a group of young children aged 3-12.

Children from as young as 3 find the book's main text and hand drawn pictures easy to grasp; new phrases like 'pink monkey' creates giggles and smiles. Adults too have flipped through the pages with intrigue - questions and ideas inevitably followed. Toward the end of the book, a multi-lingual spread is dedicated to translations of the word 'Read', over 200 translations take over 5 minutes to digest and ponder which is an educational language lesson in itself.

The book creates a great discussion which is what we love the most about it. Every reader takes something unique for themselves, whether it's a new word added to their vocabulary or an lesson in ethics which they aspire to implement. Author Asim Hussain, wanted to ensure this book had value,

"This book is my ambassador to Canada, the United States, and wherever else this book may go. This book shares experiences and tells stories. It's a bridge builder, a device for communication, and discussion, and is for all people. It's something friends and neighbours can share across this nation," says Asim Hussain, author of Khadijah goes to School.

One and the only critical response was based on the type/font used on the front cover and back page. Sophisticated children found it difficult to read in one sitting as the calligraphy inspired text is for sharper eyes and faster readers.

There are no paragraphs (hurray!) and conventional story-telling is thrown out of the window since reading the book right-to-left we see a deliberate change in text size, pace and dialogue. Like a child's mind, the story speaks with an accent and a questioning tone. It's clear the book is the result of creativity that only children have the ability to create.

Bring Khadijah To Schools
To date, Khadijah goes to School has been launched in cities across Canada and Chicago, USA. I strongly think the book could be introduced to British schools, in particular for the new curriculum encouraging diversity and tolerance.

The book would make an excellent resource for younger minds and hopefully achieve a "classic" status. Thought-provoking questions end the book allowing to continue a discussion on the self, on education, on personal identity and stereotypes of other people. As the story of growing up and learning does not quite finish, we are left with a motivator; "This is not the end, this is just the beginning."

Stay updated on Facebook.com/KhadijahGoesToSchool

Official site {Khadija Goes To School}

More books and mags:
Why This Muslim Novel Is Relevant To Everyone
New Book 'I Speak For Myself' Explores Lives of American-Born Muslims
"Hablamos Islam", Children Speak Spanish Islam
Behind '40 Sufi Comics': India's Muslim Blogging Brothers

As a humanitarian and trustee at Muslim Youth Helpline, Furqan Naeem recently completed his summer internship with Human Appeal International (HAI). He took the opportunity to travel to Somalia to witness the devastation first-hand and implement some projects to benefit the people of the famine. Furqan shares his personal experiences with us from Somalia.

Inside Mogadishu, Worlds Apart
I returned last week from a humanitarian trip with Human Appeal International to the famine struck area of Mogadishu in Somalia. It was certainly an experience I’ll never forget. I spent a week witnessing things from a different perspective, a week reflecting on how fortunate we are in Britain to have those simple things we take for granted. It was a week of learning to always give more than you receive.

My first impression of Somalia was one of a broken world, one without order where chaos prevails above all other things. I spent the first day in Nairobi before visiting orphanages. I thought I’d use my time in Nairobi to gain an understanding of what life in East Africa was actually like. I hoped this would help me cope with seeing the devastation that I expected Somalia.

Arriving in Mogadishu the next day, I felt like I had entered a different world. It was surreal. The airport looked like a shelter home and the tight security all round made me feel very nervous. Even as we were at the entry office one of the questions on the standard visa form read, “what weapons have you brought with you?” Reading that made me realise that this was not a place not for the faint hearted.

As we headed to our secure residence for the week, I saw that there wasn’t a single built-structure that was not crumbling. I couldn't call any of these buildings 'homes'. It felt like we were in a war-zone and this was before we even went to visit any of the famine victims.

Meeting Refugees And Orphans
The next few days were spent visiting refugee camps and a local hospital so we could identify which areas on the ground aid was still not reaching. I got to see first-hand how the famine had devastated so many families.


As we went visiting from tent to tent with our local team there from Human Appeal International, we were able to communicate with some of the families. Real families, real people who all had a common story.

These families had all walked for weeks to get to the refugee camp in the hope that aid would be there but found nothing more than other desperate people.

I heard how incredibly difficult life could be and was for people. I remember meeting a young mother who gave birth to a boy only three weeks ago but was barely able to look after herself because of her weakness. The young baby was in a critical state. It could easily be the case that these two human beings are no more but this was the case right across refugee camps in Mogadishu, just to give a glimpse of the scale of disaster.

After visiting three refugee camps around Mogadishu and seeing and feeling what it was like for the poor and needy, we had a chance to visit one of the local hospitals to see what sort of assistance doctors were trying to provide.

Unfortunately the scenes were not much different at the hospital. As soon as we arrived we saw a young boy getting treated outside the hospital for lack of clean water as there was insufficient space inside. There were so many victims all in distress with their families but the sad thing was to see so few doctors on hand, all of whom were being stretched to their limits in the first place. Most of the hospital was filled with crying young babies suffering from waterborne diseases, which have little or no cure.

Savings Lives, One At A Time
After identifying the areas where aid was not being reached, I and the team set about initiating food distribution points, mobile medical clinics and water distribution to the camps. This was perhaps the most satisfying part of the trip – to help all those that you saw on the ground by providing them with food packages that would help their families for a month at a time.

But the sad reality was that we were only just scratching the surface. There is a vast amount of people that are suffering and still need help.


I witnessed the bittersweet reactions in the faces of families who were relieved to see help coming in the form of food and water but then realising that this might be the only help they’ll receive in months.

Even with the mobile medical clinic I saw how families valued getting the correct treatment and medicine to help with all the illnesses. They queued for miles just to see a doctor in the hope that they might be cured.

In a country where there is so much despair and misery we managed to visit the University of Mogadishu, which surely is a beacon of hope in times of uncertainty for the Somalian people. There are two opposing regions in Somalia which is the reason why it is in so much ruin. One side is a desert from the recent famine that has affected most of Somalia, but the other side has a total lack of infrastructure and poor leadership from those in control of the country.

These two destructive forced have combined in a devastating way and now a time of misery has fallen upon the people of smiles. But for the country to prosper in years to come and for the people to live a better a life, Somalia has to produce effective citizenry. I believe education is the key in building the country’s next generation of leaders.

The University of Mogadishu has a massive role to play in shaping the country by producing well-grounded students who will go on to help provide that infrastructure, and help build a country where peace can be achieved sooner rather than later.

A Future Of Hope For Somalia
Whilst out on the trip with Human Appeal International I managed to spend some time with renowned Muslim speaker and educator Dr Hany El-Banna, the founder of Islamic Relief. Dr Hany was busy organising a conference, bringing together Muslim charities and local NGOs to help improve the situation in Somalia through his role as chairman of Muslim Charities Forum.

Dr Hany has always been an inspiration to me, so getting the opportunity to work with him was a real honour, not to mention a huge learning curve. Watch Dr Hany's video message from Mogadishu.



The best part was seeing him in his element when he was with the children. When we finished Friday prayers I remember he started to make animal noises to communicate with the children and they all smiled and replied back with the same animal noises.

In a matter of seconds there were hundreds of young children gathering around this great man, Dr Hany El-Banna, as he built that special connection with the forgotten children of Somalia.

Prayers And Rain
All in all, visiting Somalia was truly an experience of a lifetime. Having reflected for a week since I’ve been back, the memories of the faces of desperation I saw still live within me. Much more can be done. It should be done.

One thing I have learnt is to be grateful for what I have in life and to never complain if something doesn’t quite go my way. There are people living in so much more difficulty than me – how do I have a right to complain?

I will never forget the stories; the mother who lost her children walking to the refugee camps, the father who had to sacrifice some of his children in order to provide for the other few.


And there took place a rain prayer where I was blessed to be part of a 10,000 gathering who all prayed for rain. The next morning through God’s mercy, rain descended upon the people of Mogadishu. Alhamdulillah, all praise be to God.

These memories shall stay with me for as long as I shall live and will continue to inspire me for years to come. As I reflect back I still wonder about Somalia's plight and the constant hardship its people experience. I do have hope though. Yes, the task is enormous, yes we still have a lot of work to do here in the UK but I firmly believe that if we all play our part, make enough effort through our donations to Human Appeal International, and with our prayers, then prosperity and peace will eventually come to the people of Somalia. Insha'Allah, God willing.

Do your part, donate to feed a family in Africa for a month. Please.

Read more at the {Human Appeal International blog}

By Furqan Naeem, British Muslim student activist and humanitarian.








More inspiring activists:
Asda Customers Help Muslim Aid Raise £11k For Africa
Eleven Lessons From Nelson Mandela
Another Letter From The Muslimness Orphan In Mozambique
Chicago Muslims Help Somalia During Ramadan

So here's a random thought.

I think a lot of Muslim marriages are slapped together on this metaphorical production line. As they whizz down the line the different parts are primed and trimmed, they get their coat of spray paint and eventually they're stuck together. They mostly work, but maybe for a long time people are not sure if the end product will stand the test of time. Sometimes they only work because they have to. After a while the cheap coat of shiny spray paint peels off revealing the true colours of the constituent parts; they're not always the prettiest underneath.

Poor build quality is not uncommon, various cracks exist beneath the surface. Parts are prone to break easily and people generally lack the competency and patience to piece things back together. Few understand how to use the trouble-shooting manual that comes free with each product; it is after all in a different language.

The novelty wears out quickly and people envy the latest designs on the market. With the slightest scuff or scratch people are quick to rush to the manufacturer and too often they find their way back to the factory to find a replacement. Sometimes broken parts will be recycled but sadly, more often than not, broken pieces are quickly forgotten about.

I guess you used to find a lot of little family run production lines, each offering unique customisations, service with a smile. Increasingly there are fewer and fewer of these, instead we are seeing the dominance of more and more mass production lines.

(Still with me?)


So the picture you can see here is probably the most random image I have pulled off Google. The punch bowl on the right came off a production line, the one on the left is hand made.

I guess they both fulfil the function they're designed for, but there is a value to the handmade one that you cannot really put a price to. Painstakingly, with so much care to detail, that bowl was put together. Only the people who made the bowl (and the little cups) know its true value. There's nothing else like it. It is the imperfections that make it perfect, as opposed to the machine made bowl whose pseudo-perfection renders it worthless in comparison to the handmade.

British Muslims in their twenties are met by a plethora of challenges as they face the prospect of getting married. There are various obstacles to manoeuvre around, each compounding and intertwining with the other. The fusion of our tangled British identity with our parents Asian/Arab/African culture presents one such challenge, and this is clouded by the general confusion that surrounds the whole marriage process, and how best to approach things.

Further complicating matters is our inability to separate the (not always bad, but often skewed) Hollywood, Bollywood and Disney images and expectations of love and marriage that have been imprinted on us. We also have to be honest about the streaks of emotional immaturity and lack of wisdom and foresight that taint our relationships (men tend to be plagued by this moreso), as well as our mental fragility and deficit in our psycho-social prowess to deal with life changes in general (women lead this ever so slightly more).

Most importantly for single British Muslims, however, is the weakness of our Islamic grounding and our relative distrust with what we know to be the loftiest principles to which we should choose our partners.

I apologise for focusing on the bleaker side of things. In any case, the resolution?

With ever increasing divorce rates, prevalence of hostile domestic environments, unidentified masses of empty-shell marriages, as well as a scary rise in the number of unmarried Muslims in their late twenties and thirties, we are yet to find model solutions to the marital conundrums that afflict generations of Muslims in Britain. The issues are real and aren’t going away, and it can only be enriching to reflect upon how we each stand in relation to them.

At least on an individual level, before going about finding a partner we need to appreciate that each and every one of us are misshaped, quirky pieces with our own unique history. The conventional assembly line "marriage machines" may give the illusion of a shiny flawlessness counterpart, but know that no two pieces fit together exactly, in fact there is a third piece in this jigsaw.

The Master Craftsman in His Wisdom created us with our bumps and flaws.

But know that regardless of how misshapen you are, you can ‘fit’ into His Divine jigsaw piece; the way of the best of creation (peace and blessings upon him,) the way of al-Islam. 

I read once, that “your heart should be so close to God, that one must seek Him in order to find you.” The issues and challenges that surround getting married are plentiful and complex, but what we are charged with is to work on ourselves:

“...Truly, God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Qur'an, 13:11)

One of the surest ways of securing a fruitful and happy married life is to develop a deep and wholesome understanding and grounding in Islam, this coupled with a constant beautifying of your character.

A believer loves and is loved easily. Early 21st century psychologists explored how young men look for wives that resemble the endearing qualities of their mothers. Taking a step further we can look to the beautiful nature of the Mothers of the Believers, the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon them.) Often you will see brothers gazing into the distance, saying “I want to find my ‘Khadijah’... my `Ayesha’...” But what they fail to realise that they first must become as ‘Muhammadi’ as they can, embodying the best of men (peace and blessings be upon him,) before hoping to find such a gem of a woman. Expect your partner to be nothing but a reflection of you and your state, after all “A believer is a mirror to another believer”.

Prophetic tradition recognises the important role that beauty, attraction, wealth and family background play when choosing a life partner. But what is stressed beyond everything else is "Deen – (piety)" and "Akhlaq – (character)". We read in numerous hadith that one of the most desirable character traits in a partner is that of taqwah, God consciousness; that a pious partner is the most valuable treasure on this earth. What is interesting, however, is the mentioning of character; that decorating a secure Islamic foundation is the subtleties of one’s personality. We cannot underestimate this issue of compatibility, and this is where seeking the counsel from family and friends plays an integral role in giving an objective, detached perspective.

Rumi once wrote “if you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?” Just like the time and effort put into the handmade punch bowls, the sincere tears, the nights in prayer and the days fasting adds a unique and deep value to your persona. It’s easy in the confusion of it all to feel disconnected from Allah, but remember it is in these moments when He's inviting you to Him.

Ibn Ata'illah wrote:

"If you make intense supplication, and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire."

Remember this path we find ourselves on is a well-trodden one. After striving to better yourself, put your trust in your Creator for truly “...Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)” (Qur'an, 3:159)


By Bilal Hassam, British Muslim doctor and activist.
Bilal recently appeared on 4Thought.tv to share his Muslim views about putting the elderly in care homes.

Co-founder of The Leaf Network, Bilal chairs the Planting Seeds Forum, an innovative and ambitious initiative connecting together the best of emerging Muslim voices with the highest levels of scholarship.


More on Muslim marriage:
Muslim Marriage: Husbands, Know Your Rights
Sabr In A Marriage, EXTRA Sabr With The In-Laws
What's Love Got To Do With It?

'Design Molvi' are a British based design store that sells casual wear inspired by Islamic humour. Their colourful and provocative t-shirts carry ethical messages which according to the site, aims to "put the cool back into t-shirt wearing".

'Molvi' is the South-East Asian word for a religious leader, usually associated with the stern mosque teachers who are stereotypically imported from India and Pakistan to teach young European and American Muslims about their Islamic faith. A 'design' molvi however, which I imagine would resemble a salwar-kameez wearing bearded man on a skateboard, is a great comical addition to Islamic Dawah.

To see how their designs work in the field of Dawah, promoting the Islamic message, we tried out their hottest new t-shirt with the ironic slogan: Muslim Fun-damentalist.

Design Molvi pokes fun at this term like Riz MC's controversial 9/11 Blues song from 2006. In an in-your-face-I'm-here-to-stay attitude, it's silly. But that's what makes it work.

The term 'fundamentalist' is not a negative word. In any dictionary you'll read that fundamentalism is a form of Protestant Christianity which believes in the strict and literal interpretation of the Bible. This can also be applied to Islam as Muslims are supposed to follow the fundamental doctrine of the Qur'an - from which Islamic law is founded (Shariah).

Fast forward to the 21st century though, and all you hear on television, the internet and newspapers is "watch out for those radical Muslims, they'll eat your children!"

I tested the tee out for a day. Walking in public, into shops and the post-office where the slogan was visible, the majority of people turned to look at me for just a few seconds longer. I smiled at them, most smiled back. The message was made obvious by those who got the joke but some may have found it distasteful as I could tell by their frowns.

The good news is that the Muslim Fun-damentalist messageworks. It gets attention, it's ludicrously bright coloured and it has the potential to start dialogue. The only minute criticism would lie in the weave of the 100% cotton which tends to attract dust fluff and a note to the ladies: buy a medium and large sized t-shirt to layer over a full sleeved top.


Amongst Design Molvi's portfolio are their flagship tee "Smile, It's Sunnah", spreading the infectious prophetic positivity, and "Salah, Just Pray It", a spin on Nike's cult-like following. In current financial stresses their "Islam: 0% Interest" reflects the surge in Islamic banking.

With a huge Facebook membership and international customers, design Molvi is quickly becoming a popular brand in the Muslim market. We wish them the best of success, insha'Allah, God willing.


More urban fashion:
StyleIslam - Street Style T-shirts And Multimedia
Profound Aesthetic T-shirts Show Urban Wisdom
Silk Route's Style In Jilbaab Competition
Ala Dergi Is Turkey's Vogue Magazine